I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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