Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't deserve a penis
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
