You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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