Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
