i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize