And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
