we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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