Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
