My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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