How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
