Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
