I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
