i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
