dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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