the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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