So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
