i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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