hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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