you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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