I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
