You just made me feel so damn special
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
