dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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