I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
