you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
