new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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