I wish my penis had an off switch
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
