Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
