walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
