After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
