Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
