"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
