I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
