dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
