she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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