Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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