I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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