She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
