I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize