ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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