So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
