Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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