In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
