Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
