just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
