wakey wakey hands off snakey
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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