ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
