ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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