: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
