Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
