I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
