When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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