i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
