hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We had sex on a dog bed..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
