Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Houston, we have a squirter
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
