WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
