he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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