I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize