Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
