i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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