the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
