allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish i was in the wii world.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
