Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
