I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
