wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My bed smells like the plague
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
