I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
