So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
