im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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