I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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