got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize