you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
