so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
