she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Damn victory sex feels great
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize