I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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