Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
love makes seman taste better
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
