Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
