can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize
