He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
