Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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