can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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