I wish I could punch you in the face.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
