You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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