Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
