Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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